Chancellor Dame Whiskerly Fluffington-Prime
Chancellor of the University
Chancellor since the Fourth Sunbeam. Presides over Convocation, which she attends by sleeping through it. Research interests include governance, ambient warmth and delegation.
See: Read her welcome message or Her paper on the slow blink.
Historian Nimbus, called the Ever-Watchful
University Historian (age unknown)
An old, white and very fluffy cat who has been University Historian for longer than the records have been kept, which is why the records are somewhat incomplete. Nimbus has been seen at every event in the University’s history, at a slight distance, watching.
See: The History section or The Incident.
Professor Zorp Mittens-Vex
Head of the School of Applied Gravity
Has personally verified gravity more than 40,000 times. Author of the influential lecture “Gravity: Still Working.” Office hours are held whenever a glass is nearby.
See: School of Applied Gravity or Why cats knock things off tables.
Professor Blorp Boxington
Head of the Department of Enclosure Studies
Occupies the department’s only box. Office hours are by appointment, and appointments are by box. Currently writing a book on things that almost fit.
See: Department of Enclosure Studies or Why cats sit in boxes.
Dr. Nyx Laserwick
Director of the Institute for Pursuit and Unattainable Objectives
Has been three centimetres from a conclusion since 2019. Her fieldwork is funded in part by a renewable red dot.
See: Pursuit and Unattainable Objectives or The red dot problem.
Professor Yowlanda Midnight
Head of the Centre for Nocturnal Communication
Delivers her lectures at 03:00. Attendance is measured at volume. Her seminar series, “Yowling for Breakfast,” has never once been cancelled.
See: Nocturnal Communication or The 03:00 problem.
Dr. Halfway McDoor
Chair of the Faculty of Thresholds and Doorways
Currently in the doorway. Has been for most of the semester. Publishes rarely, because she cannot decide whether to finish the sentence inside or outside.
Professor Sunny Patchwell
Head of Solar Patch Sciences
Follows the light, so her office moves. Students are advised to check the floor before knocking. Author of the standard text on warm rectangles.
See: Solar Patch Sciences or Warm rectangles.
Human staff
Humans are essential to the running of the University. They can be reached at staff@gnarp.eu.cc.
- Director of Feeding. Oversees mealtimes, which are never on time.
- Head of Door Operations. Opens, closes and re-opens doors on request. Please allow several requests.
- Lap Services Coordinator. Ensures a lap is available at all times. Laps may be reclaimed without notice.
- IT Support (Keyboard Recovery). Retrieves keyboards from beneath students. Success rate is not published.