Human staff keep Gnarp University running. They can be reached collectively at staff@gnarp.eu.cc. Please allow several naps for a reply, and please remain seated if a lap has been requested.
Ms. Patricia Wren
Director of Feeding. 11 years of service.
Ms. Wren oversees all mealtimes at the University. She has served dinner late for eleven years, and considers it a vocation.
“Dinner is served at the time dinner is served. The students will tell me when that was.”
Mr. Desmond Hale
Head of Door Operations. 9 years of service.
Mr. Hale is responsible for the opening, closing and re-opening of all doors on campus. He is on call around the clock and is rarely on his feet for more than a minute.
“Every door has two sides. I have been asked to open both.”
Ms. Odile Frost
Lap Services Coordinator. 14 years of service.
Ms. Frost coordinates the University's laps. She has an extremely quiet manner and has never once stood up without being asked.
“A good lap is a still lap.”
Mr. Kiran Bose
IT Support (Keyboard Recovery). 6 years of service.
Mr. Bose keeps the campus network running, in so far as a cat is not sitting on it. He is on first-name terms with the server, and with the cat that sits on it.
“Ninety percent of my work is lifting a student off a keyboard. The other ten percent is the keyboard.”
Ms. Marguerite Lund
Registrar. 18 years of service.
Ms. Lund keeps the University's records, which are, for the most part, in a box. She has never lost a file, though several have been slept on.
“Enrolment records are kept in a box. The box is occupied.”
Mr. Tobias Grey
Campus Safety Officer. 8 years of service.
Mr. Grey is responsible for the campus safety guide, and for the removal of anything within paw's reach of a table edge. He has never won.
“If it can be knocked off, I will have moved it first.”
Join the staff
The University is always looking for new human staff. Current vacancies include Assistant Door Operator (multiple, ongoing) and Lap Coordinator (evenings). Applicants should be patient, comfortable with being sat on, and able to open a can. Write to staff@gnarp.eu.cc. See also the guide for new staff and Student services.