From the Chancellor’s cushion
Welcome to the first issue of the Gnarp Gazette. It has been a busy start to term. The new website is live, the Kitchen Counter Observatory has recorded its 40,001st experiment, and Professor Midnight has begun preparing for Convocation, which is audible from most of the campus. I hope you enjoy this issue, and that you read it in a comfortable place.
Dame Whiskerly Fluffington-Prime, Chancellor
In this issue
- New website. Research, Faculty, Students, Library and more. See Site updates.
- Convocation. A guide to what to expect at 03:00 on Friday 16 October.
- Cats around the world. 15 study abroad reports, from Japan to Maine.
- Ask a Professor. 12 columns are now in the archive.
- Athletics. The Hallway Cup is on for Convocation night.
Faculty notes
- Professor Mittens-Vex reports that gravity remains in working order.
- Dr. Laserwick reports that she is three centimetres from a result.
- Dr. McDoor is in the doorway, and will report shortly.
- Professor Patchwell has discovered two new patches in the East Corridor.
Classifieds
For sale
One box, lightly used. Offers accepted. Delivery not required, since the box is currently occupied.
Wanted
One warm rectangle, east facing, preferably arriving at 07:42. Apply to Marmalade, Solar Patch Sciences.
Free to a good home
One sunbeam, Tuesdays only. Must be collected before it moves.
Lost
One glass. Found: one glass (fell). The Kitchen Counter Observatory would like both back.
Notice
The Doorway Appreciation Society meets in the doorway. Please step around, or wait.
Personal
Human staff member sought for laps. Must remain seated. References required.
Puzzle of the term
Spot the difference. Two boxes are shown below.
[ ] [ ]
Both are boxes. The Department of Enclosure Studies has accepted both answers.
Next issue
The winter issue will appear after the Solstice Sunbeam Vigil. To submit an item, write to staff@gnarp.eu.cc.