How do I apply to Gnarp University?
Short answer: Applications are accepted year-round. Applicants provide proof of landing on their feet, complete a Staring Assessment, submit two references from trained humans, and pay an application fee of three tins of tuna or equivalent.
Requirements
- Proof of landing on feet. Drop tests are conducted in low gravity, for your safety.
- A completed Staring Assessment. The minimum is 90 seconds, ending with a slow blink.
- Two references from trained humans. Referees will be asked whether the applicant respects doors, laps and mealtimes.
- An application fee of three tins of tuna, or equivalent.
Entrance assessments
Assessments take place at the Main Hall and are usually concluded within the hour. Applicants may bring a box for comfort. The panel considers stare, posture, response to a wand toy, and behaviour in a doorway.
Tuition and fees
| Tuition (per term) | 40 tins of tuna, or equivalent in treats |
|---|---|
| Application fee | 3 tins of tuna |
| Housing | One box, supplied on arrival |
| Meals | Three per day, delivered late |
| Lap access | Included |
| Sunbeam Atrium access | Included, subject to sunlight |
Financial aid
Scholarships are available for strays and for students transferring from other star systems. To be considered, write to staff@gnarp.eu.cc with a short statement of need. Statements may be delivered in person, at length, at 03:00.
Key dates
- Saturday 3 October: Open Day
- Rolling: applications for the spring term, which begins Monday 11 January
Frequently asked questions
Do I need previous education?
No. Most students arrive with no formal schooling and a lifetime of experience in naps.
Can dogs apply?
Applications from dogs are reviewed under a special procedure. Please see the Incident, which is not discussed.
Can I defer my place?
Deferral is automatic. Most students defer several times a day.
How long does a programme last?
Programmes are open-ended. Most students remain enrolled for nine lives.
What if I miss the application deadline?
There is no deadline. Applications are accepted year-round, and a late application will be treated as an early application to the following term.