Gnarp University has offered rigorous, independent-minded education across the Outer Orbit for over two million years. Applications for the coming term are now open.
Gnarp University is an independent institution of higher learning, established in the Third Age of Tuna and accredited by the Intergalactic Council for Feline Higher Learning. Our approach pairs rigorous inquiry with a deep respect for rest, warm surfaces, and the right to leave any room without explanation.
Our students come from across the Outer Orbit to study, research, and occasionally sprint down a corridor at 03:00. All coats, colours and orbital origins are welcome.
20 September, 03:00 to 03:15. The Student Portal, email and timetables are unavailable during this window. A cat is sitting on the server. Service resumes when it moves.
19 September. Gnarp University has launched a redesigned website, with new pages for Research, Faculty and a Blog.
16 September. The Atrium closes daily from 14:00 for cleaning, and reopens once the sunlight has relocated. We thank students for their patience and for not lying in the cleaning area.
15 September. Items on the third floor will be reshelved once they have been knocked off. Students who have lost a glass, a pen, or a plant should contact staff.
12 September. Wi-Fi in Lecture Hall B is intermittent due to a box that arrived on Tuesday. The box will remain in place.
Every enrolled student receives a mailbox on arrival, in the form:
firstname.lastname@student.gnarp.eu.cc
All student email addresses end in @student.gnarp.eu.cc. Please allow 3 to 9 business naps for a reply.
Messages consisting of a single keystroke repeated (for example, “jjjjjjjjjjjj”) will be treated as complete. Password resets are handled at the keyboard, which is currently occupied. Please try again later.
Email sent between 03:00 and 04:30 may be answered loudly.
Controlled experiments in the acceleration of small objects from elevated surfaces. Fieldwork takes place at the Kitchen Counter Observatory.
Research into the fit of a body to a container it visibly does not fit. Prerequisite: one cardboard box.
Laser-guided fieldwork on targets that cannot be caught. Funded in part by a renewable red dot.
Vocal performance between 02:00 and 04:30. Attendance is compulsory for anyone within earshot.
Studies in standing exactly in the doorway. Prerequisite: a door held open by someone else.
Tracking and occupying warm rectangles of light. Practicum hours are logged by the patch.
Applications are accepted year-round. Applicants are asked to provide:
Scholarships are available for strays, and for students transferring from other star systems.
Ask about admission Full admissions details